Cruel Cosplay Thesis
by Anime Borat
Summary: A culture fest fic. Kagura suddenly realizes why it sucks to have the looks of a popular anime character.
1. Chapter 1

**Cruel Cosplay Thesis: **

**Or How To Induce Wackiness with an Evangelion Cosplay**

A/N: Here's a hilarious little tidbit that features both Evangelion(sort of) and Azumanga. I own neither, this is just a simple fan story. Read and enjoy.

It was the end of the day. Yukari walked and scrawled the board and then it announced their end-day discussion.

That is, the culture fest two days away. Chiyo was the one actually doing this while Yukari merely presided.

"So, any suggestions for the culture fest?" Chiyo asked the entire class.

One boy, Masaaki Ohyama, rasied his hand and said, "How about a haunted house?"

Tomo wrote down the suggestion on the board. "A haunted house," she recited.

"Ah, well..." Chiyo remembered that haunted houses were a common theme in most culture fests.

Yukari said, "No, no, no. Going for the standard and orthodox is the death of intellect. Why not try something out of the ordinary. For example, a..." Nothing came out of her mouth. So much for a suggestion. She hastily added with a chuckle, "Oh, a café or a haunted house would be fine either way."

Everyone sweatdropped, giving Yukari confused looks.

A few seconds of awkward silence. Then Chihiro suggested, "I think we should try another boutique like the stuffed animal boutique last year."

"Hey, that's sounds like a great idea," Chiyo chimed.

"Yeah, sounds great," Yukari agreed. "But it would have to be different this time." She sat up and announced proudly. "As the homeroom adviser for this class, I hereby declare a boutique our choice for the culture fest. Everything else is closed."

Everyone sweatdropped again. One of the boys asked, "Uh... you mean...?"

"No more other suggestions!" Yukari proudly cut in. "The only thing you should be asking is the merchandise."

"Like selling something different?" Yomi asked.

"Yeah, that's right," Yukari chimed, holding out a thumbs up.

"Yeah, we could all sell takoyaki," Osaka suggested. "And smoked cheese, plus we decorate it with dolls that looked like dead cats."

Shock instantly registered on their faces, eyes bugging out at Osaka's suggested decoration.

Chiyo sweat dropped. "Uh... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh..." Then Osaka suggested again, "How about we have a bazooka player in our shop?"

Yomi turned to the Osakan and replied, "I think you mean a bouzouki but I don't think there's anyone talented enough to play a bouzouki."

The meganekko recalled that in music class, Osaka didn't know how to play with a flute. Every flute that she held in her hands inevitably sounded like a shrill whistle, not to mention the fact that she can't figure how the holes work.

Meanwhile, Sakaki was looking at the clouds outside the window. In her mind they were cute fluffy kitties skipping happily across the sky. A smile formed in her face and laughter appeared in her sleepy eyes as she fancied wanting to pet the sky kitties. So cute and so happy they were up in the blue sky that they seem to have no worries at all. She unconsciously held out her hands when a hand landed on her shoulder.

Sakaki was startled by Kagura and quickly spun around. "Something wrong?" the athlete asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," Sakaki replied with a blush.

"Sorry, I scared you," she chuckled. "So, what do you think that we should sell during the culture fest?"

"Ah, I have no idea." Sakaki felt a little embarrassed. She wasn't listening in when she was daydreaming a few seconds ago.

"Okay..." Kagura replied, not knowing what to say next to the famous uncanny woman. She always seemed so distant to her.

They heard an excited yell as Tomo hopped on top of the table.

"Oh, I know!" she announced, striking an exaggerated heroic pose with one hand on her hip and the other pointing to the ceiling like she discovered the new world. "We should sell some otaku stuff like in Akihabara."

"Uh... What?" Yomi glasses suddenly obscured her eyes, denying anyone a full look of surprise. Still it her got unawares.

"You heard me, Yomi," the wildcat said proudly. "Remember those otakus who absolutely swarm the place?" She smirked, putting both hands on her hips. "We're gonna do something in the culture fest that is totally unique in the history of this school. We're gonna turn our classroom into a bazaar of anime fans everywhere!"

"That seems like a great idea," Yomi sighed wth frustration at Tomo's ridiculous-sounding ploy. "But the problem is, none of us in the class are otakus to begin with."

"Don't despair, Yomi," Tomo said cheerfully. "At least we're not gonna set up a restaurant. Business will go boom with you around."

It take all of Yomi's self-control to keep her in her chair as her eyes twitched visibly, practically bolting herself in to keep her from pouncing on the wildcat and strangling her, fuming deep inside at her 'friend's' reference to her eating habits.

"But how are we gonna get all of this geek stuff just in time for the culture fest?" Osaka asked airily.

"Why we don't take all of our old stuff like toys and mangas and put 'em on sale?" a boy suggested.

"Sounds more like a garage sale," Kagura noted.

Osaka added in a mew, "And y'all know that the goods would be ruined by now. Look's like there's no point in settin' up an anime flea market if we wrecked all our stuff when we're kids."

Everyone put on collectively groan as Osaka said something that made sense for once and that it struck on the point.

Just then, Yukari sat up. She wanted to keep this venture afloat so she did what her nature dictated. "Don't let that defeatist sentiment pull you down. It's a great idea, we shouldn't just give up yet just because of the lack of materials?"

Chiyo spoke skeptically, "Miss Yomi does have a point. Most of us lack anything like toys, books, or anything anime-related of value and none of us have any experience with those things."

"Well, then. We must obtain all the needed materials by whatever means necessary," she said frantically.

Chiyo sweat dropped, her face in a blank. Their English teacher was still determined to keep the otaku-bazaar idea afloat no matter what for some reason.

"Where are we gonna start, Miss Yukari?" Kagura asked.

"Well, I have some ideas that concerning about that," Kimura said, popping out near the table with his mouth wide open as usual.

The girls nearly screamed when they saw him, Chiyo jumped into Tomo's arms as a result. It was quite his habit to pop out in places at the least expected moment, usually near high-school girls.

"What the-" Yomi said haltingly. "How'd y-you get in here?"

"I got in through the door," he replied. Behind him was the sliding door wide open, which everyone slowly and mechanically turned their heads to. What Yomi wanted to say was how did he got in without everyone noticing until a few seconds ago. Then everyone faced him back in the same manner.

"What's the deal, Kimura?" Yukari asked, her arms crossed.

"I was carrying this item which I intended to dispose off." He produced a white cardboard box like the ones used for packing baked goods and for clothing rentals. "And then I overheard that you need something for your culture fest so I'll give it to you."

"What? Did you confiscate it from somebody?"

"Uhmm... Yes." Kimura's tone of voice betrayed a little anxiety.

"Let's see what's inside." She turned to the wildcat.

"I think I should get going," Kimura said abruptly, quickly turning to the door.

"Tomo?" Yukari commanded with a leer on her face.

Tomo instantly snapped a salute. "Yes, ma'am," she said enthusiastically.

"NO! DON'T TAKE IT!" yelped the classical literature teacher but too late. She grabbed the box of a startled Kimura's hands and brought it on the table.

"Let's see what's _inside_, baby," she said triumphantly, ripped out the strings and flipped the box open to see its holy grail kept inside.

The wildcat's eager expression was replaced with a look of curiosity when she looked at a neatly folded set of clothes.

"Huh, what's that?" Chiyo asked as she and others gathered around the table. Sakaki picked it up and held it out for everyone to see.

"What the hell..." Yomi muttered as she stared at the tight wet-suit-like garment. Then a picture fell out of it. She bent over and picked it up. In was a girl with short blue hair and red eyes. She wore the tight-fitting white suit with dark undersides beneath the arms.

"Mr. Kimura," Yomi asked the teacher awkwardly. "What is this?"

"Uh... it's a costume," Kimura replied.

"Who's that in picture then?" She pointed to the photo of the girl in Yomi's hands.

"I don't know," he replied sheepishly. "It came with the costume, I suppose." He was now sweating.

"Really?" Yukari's eyes narrowed. She took down at the costume again, almost as if to take a cursory glance on its features. She then turned back to the Classical Lit teacher. "Did you really confiscate it?"

He remained silent like a statue.

"Okay, then," Yukari finally said. "Tomo, take that thing out the window." She handed the wildcat the box with the costume in it.

"Alright!" Tomo shouted gleefully as she swiped it out of Yukari's hands.

"No!" Kimura cried. "Don't!" He knelt down and grabbed Tomo's ankle, which caused the wildcat to spin around with a yelp and jump at the teacher's grip, dropping the box with the costume.

"Gyaahh!" Tomo cried, wincing as she snatched her foot away and pulled down her skirt to keep him from seeing what he should not see.

"Please don't throw it," Kimura sobbed with his head bowed. "My wife made it for me. Please don't throw it away."

"Your wife made it for you, Mr. Kimura?" Chiyo asked with concern.

"Yes!" he cried.

Everyone's minds collectively short-circuited. Sweat dropping, the color drained from the girls' faces. It was only a few seconds later did anything resembling coherent thought entered their minds. It was Osaka, whose train of thought did not need to undergo a reboot, who spoke, "Kimura likes costumes now? That's something you don't know about everyday. It's not even Halloween."

As far as everyone else was concerned, cosplaying seemed like an unusual fad these days for anime fans but if that and 'Kimura' were put together in the same sentence, it doesn't sound good or even healthy.

"Kimura..." Yomi muttered, "is into cosplaying?..." The very thought of that was mind-searing.

Yukari asked him, "Ah... you had your wife... make that thing... for you?"

Osaka then spoke up with a straight face, "Do you like cross-dressing?"

Kimura gulped and stretched his collar. "Uh yes, I did," he finally explained. "You see, I ask her to make it for me. It wasn't that hard."

"So you had your wife sew that thing for you?" Yukari asked incredulously.

"Are you hiding in the closet?" Osaka cut in beside the English teacher. "'Cause ya know, there's nothin' wrong with bein' gay." Those very words of the Osakan sent shudders down the boys' spines. They thought he was quite honest with his 'feelings' towards the girls. Now the disturbing idea of Kimura liking those of the same gender and that his 'honesty' was a façade made them want to close their legs. And Kimura in that tight white suit burned into their minds like horrific acid.

"Shut up, Osaka," Yukari snapped with a popped vein. She flustered at the thought of that Kimura, the peeper of teenage girls, actually being gay. "Now, where were we? Oh right. Why did your wife made that thing?"

"Well, actually, I was going to deposit it at Kagura's locker when-" He stopped abruptly, realizing his mistake.

"What!" cried a stunned-blue Kagura.

"Huh!" Everyone cried with bewilderment.

"Ah," Osaka said calmly.

Having spilled the beans, there's only one thing he can do. "Uh, I've got to get going." He immediately bolted out the door and raced through the hallways like a racehorse with speed lines.

Everyone's eyes turned blank white as the scene was finished and they're trying to untangled the entire scenario. Thankfully, Chiyo reminding them that they still have the business of discussing the culture fest so they didn't dwell on it further. The boys let out a collective sigh of relief, knowing that Kimura was not gonna come around if they drop the soap. As soon as they're finished, the class was dismissed.

Now it's only seven girls and Yukari who were left.

"I asked my dad if they were any surplus available for collection," Chiyo said as she pocketed her cellphone. "At least we can have everything ready tomorrow."

"That's thoughtful of you, Chiyo," Yukari said approvingly. "We don't have worry a lot for goods." She smiled widely. "How's Kagura doing?"

"Uh...," a concerned Chiyo replied. "I think she didn't take it well." She turned to Kagura in her seat, surrounded by the rest of her friends.

"That was kinda blunt," Yomi said.

"He sure is creepy," Chihiro shakily added. "What's in his mind this time?"

"Why cosplaying, my dear Chihiro," Tomo said proudly. "It could only be worst now, eh, Kagura?" She nudged the tomboy with her elbow.

"What!" Kagura turned to Tomo swiftly. "That creep just gave me a costume. You think that's funny, Tomo?"

"Ohhhh~," Tomo mused dumbly. "I don't know. I wonder if he gives other girls costume?"

A cross-shaped vein appeared in Kagura's forehead as she contained her annoyance over the wildcat's dumber words of wisdom. "Well, why don't you ask him?"

Yomi sighed with frustration of her idiot friend being an idiot yet again and adjusted her glasses. "Kagura, just leave her alone."

Yukari and Chiyo appeared behind them. "Hey guys," the English teacher said. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," Yomi replied. "We're wondering what to do with this costume." She looked at the offending object in the middle of their gathering lying on an empty chair.

"Oh..." Yukari looked at it. "Well, somebody should wear it."

Everyone turned eyes at Yukari in shock. "No way," Yomi vehemently said. "No one's wearing anything made by Mr. Kimura."

"Actually, his wife made it," corrected Osaka.

What Yomi said gave Tomo a new idea for a taunt. If there was anything that Tomo never runs out it's puns for Yomi. "What's wrong, Yomi? I bet Kimura's costume is great for you." She chuckled as a vein popped up on her 'best friend's' head.

"Tomo..." she warned slowly. "Don't say it."

"Why not?" she replied cheerfully. "The only drawback here is that suit's too tight for you. It would reveal everbody your pudgy side."

Like a match thrown into an open glass of vodka Yomi's temper flared up in a flash. She grabbed Tomo's cheeks and started pulling them wide. Tomo grabbed Yomi's wrists in an effort to release herself from her friend.

As everyone else watched the slow-motion-but-no-less-vicious grappling match, both confused and, for some, frustrated. Yukari turned to Kagura. "Looks like it's up to you to get rid of it."

"What?" Kagura sweatdrooped, being taken aback by Yukari's advice.

Later, at the faculty room, Nyamo Kurosawa was having a heart-to-heart talk with Kimura, which was anything but.

"Okay, Kimura," Nyamo demanded. Her face was set in a frown that didn't look too good for the class lit teacher. After hearing about what happened at Yukari's class an hour ago, she silently fumed in fury with her arms crossed giving him some eyes that indicate her state of mind. "Give me one good reason not to report you to the principal."

Kimura turned with his mouth wide open. Nyamo, he knew, was not particularly pleased with his antics, especially the latest one that seemed to be aimed at her best swimmer in the swim team.

Seeing that Kimura wasn't talking. "Well?"

"Uh... you see..."

"'You see' what, Kimura," she said curtly. "You barge in a meeting for the class's culture fest plans with a costume which you intended to leave at Kagura's locker. Why?"

Kimura then cleared his throat. He spoke, "Well, the idea that got me into this 'cosplay' thing was when I watched an anime that made my _spin_." His head did a series of jerking movements with neck-snapping sounds as he often does, when he seemed excited or agitated for some reason.

Nyamo sighed with frustration with closed eyes at Kimura's habits. "And what would that anime's name be?"

"Well, it's something called Evangelion," he replied. "It's got a catchy theme tune."

Her eyes snapped open at his reply. "You mean Neon Genesis Evangelion?"

"That's right. That weird-looking blue-haired girl there looked a lot like Kagura except she has a slender figure instead Kagura's athletic busty-"

"Get to the point," she snapped grumpily, "I _am_ not interested in my best swimmer's vital statistics."

He hastily stammered, "Y-yes, Minamo, uh, I was reviewing my attendance list when I spot Kagura's name. You know what I found, Nyamo? She has the same first name as the blue-haired girl."

"You mean Rei?" Nyamo's eyes widened as very few people seldom mentioned her first name, at least in school.

"Yes, I can't help it by how so similar they look so I was inspired to make the costume..." he paused. "Uh, I mean, I asked my wife to make it."

"And you plan on giving it to her?" Nyamo's tone was dangerously angry. "Kimura, you're crossing the line already. Probably too far for your own good. It's very serious-"

"Hi, Miss Yukari," Chiyo chimed. "I got these reports you ask me to get."

Nymo turned to Chiyo. "Thank you, Chiyo," she said happily. "You've been a wonderful help today."

With cheerful self-depreciation, she replied, "Oh, that's nothing really. I'm just glad to help." She looked at Kimura, who was sitting impassively across Nyamo. She asked her innocently, "Is something wrong, Miss Kurosawa?"

"Mildly," she understated. "Where's Kagura?"

"She left school already," Chiyo explained. "I'm the last one to go."

A/N: Please read and review. And I've love to see some fan art based on Kagura as Rei. Yes the title in question was based on the opening them of the anime.


	2. Chapter 2

**Race The Park**

A/N: Okay, guys. Here's my second chapter of **Cruel Cosplay Thesis** starring Kagura and Tomo. Now that we know Kimura thinks Kagura's sexy in a plugsuit with just a *few* changes, we'll see how bizarre things could get for the resident tomboy.

* * *

"That's Rei Ayanami of Neon Genesis Evangelion," a boy explained as he looked at the picture held by Kagura. "I used to watch that show when I was a kid. Just that the ending would make your head spin though."

"Oh... thanks," Kagura mumbled her gratitude.

"Don't mention, it," the boy replied. "By the way, you would look really cute if you..." When he looked at Kagura, she saw her give him a look that seemed to be made of smoldering rage. He gulped. "I'll be going now." He hurriedly left off.

Kagura's frown dissolved into a sad face as she bemoaned her predicament. "Why is it for my problems I have Kimura of all people?"

Osaka sometimes has a way to show up silently. In this case she waddled her way to Kagura, who looked so sullen. She asked her, "Kagura, why the long face?"

She sighed, "Nothing, Osaka. It's just that creep seems to have cross the line."

"You mean that he wanna play dress-up with you?"

"Well... sort of...," she replied awkwardly. She gulped uneasily. "In his creepy way. Why does the school keep him anyway?"

"Dunno? Maybe 'cause he keeps his hands to himself."

Kagura scoffed. "Until now," she sarcastically added.

The airhead then gave Kagura some of her words of wisdom. "Well, there's nothing to worry about, Kagura. At least you have the costume and Kimura's not gonna make you wear it."

Kagura turned to the Osakan in disbelief. "Well... you do have a point. Thanks, Osaka."

"Don't mention it," Osaka said. She noticed something on Kagura. She said curiously, "Kagura, where's your tan? You look awfully pale. Are you sick?"

Kagura sighed a puff of air. "Well, no, Osaka. You see my mom's from Hokkaido."

"Hokkaido?"

"Yeah, people don't have a lot of sunlight there. She's still not used to getting out a lot."

"Oh my, a drama story," Osaka observed. "Does your mother hate sports?"

Kagura groaned again at Osaka's way of mentally processing information. "No. It's not like that. Actually, my mom is using me lately to try out different whitening soaps for her friends. To see how fast my tan wears off and how long I get it back."

"Ah," Osaka said. "That's why you look a lot like that girl in the photo."

"OSAKA!" Kagura snapped. "Don't lump me and that freak in the picture together just because we look the same. Got it?"

"Okay," Osaka replied with a smile and those big eyes.

"Ho, ho, ho," Tomo loudly announced as she skipped over to Osaka and Kagura. "What's going on?"

"Oh, hi Tomo." Osaka waved her hand slowly in greeting. "Kagura just explained to me why she's got no tan."

"Oh my, how's our dear little teacher's pet?" Tomo teased, causing Kagura to grit her teeth.

"Tomo, what the hell are you talking about?" Kagura snapped.

Tomo's mouth form into a feline grin and got closer to the athlete in a conspiratorial manner. "Come on, Kagura~. Don't give me that naïve look. I mean Kimura's got something on you, right?"

"Hell no!" Kagura growled. "I'll have my foot up his ass if he does."

"By the way, what are you gonna do with that costume?"

"Oh yeah," Osaka chimed. "What'cha gonna do about it?"

Kagura looked at the box which carried the offending piece of clothing in her arms. She replied crisply, "I was gonna throw it to the nearest garbage can but I decided to sell it to the nearest otaku shop I can find."

"What! No way?" cried Tomo, who seemed genuinely shocked. But then again, Tomo would be shocked over even the smallest of things, which caused no small amount of satisfaction for Kagura.

"Y'all know you can just bring it over to the culture fest," Osaka suggested.

"I'm not risking the chance of that creep buying it back," Kagura replied distastefully. "I'm going home."

"Oh! Oh!" Tomo chimed, bouncing like a rabbit on crack and Red Bull. "Why don't you wait a while. I've got to annoy Yomi first." She then sped off to annoy her best friends again, leaving Kagura to walk away, distancing herself away from the wildcat and her antics as far as possible. That left Osaka.

"Aw shoot," Osaka said sadly. "And I thought we're gonna ask Yukari if we gonna win some juice."

Just around the corner, Kaorin was so overjoyed by the turn of events that she barely let out a squee. With Kimura turning his attention to Kagura, there's nothing to bother her anymore with his lecherous antics.

Kaorin shuddered at Kimura's blatant ways of showing his... desire... for her but now she rejoiced.

"I kinda feel sorry of Kagura," she said with a tinge of regret. And she instantly cheered. "But now Kimura is off my back and I can finally focus on the love of my dreams."

Now she thought of the cool girl of the school, Miss Sakaki. She was currently fantasizing about how she should upgrade her relationship with Sakaki. But she's afraid of that Sakaki might not accept her-

Her eyes caught a beautiful long-haired girl walking outside. It's Miss Sakaki going home. Kaorin suddenly felt the urge to go with her. Take the chance, her mind told her. She had to take it or it may never happen again. Kaorin found herself excitedly running down the halls to catch up with the girl of her dreams.

* * *

Kagura was finally marching home through the park, which was almost empty of people as the late afternoon sun dipped halfway below the horizon. A lot of thoughts were burning in her mind. Among of them being how Kimura had the balls to show up in her classroom and want her to wear it-

Kagura stopped. No, not balls, she thought as she shuddered at _that_ term being used for Kimura. Gall was more like it. She took a look at the box which carried the costume. She gulped as she thought about why that creep had to go all the trouble to make that costume for her. Was it because she knew her first-

"Hiya, Kagura!" Tomo shrilled happily as she saw Kagura in the park.

Kagura let out a yelp and spun around. "What the hell!"

"So, finding any takers?"

"I was going to until you popped from nowhere," Kagura retorted. "How'd you follow me here?"

"Isn't it where you take a shortcut here sometimes?" Tomo observed.

"Okay," Kagura conceded. "You can tag along. Just don't piss me off."

"Okay," she chirped.

As they were halfway through the park, Tomo remarked, "By the way, you think that anime inspired him to do that?"

Kagura regarded Tomo. "Duh, man, does he ever get creepier."

"It's like he's showing his appreciation that your her new teacher's pet," Tomo gleefully added.

A vein popped up in Kagura's head. "Shut up, Tomo! I told you not to piss me off!"

"Come on, Kagura. There has to some reason why he's shifting his _affection_ from Kaorin to you."

Kagura marched further away from Tomo. "Just 'cause I look like with that girl on that photo that came along with this costume doesn't mean-"

"But don't you think that he went though a lot of trouble trying to get that made?" Tomo interrupted.

"Yeah," Kagura snorted as she stopped. "Like not getting caught by his wife when he asked her to make it. I'll be surprised if he's fired by the principal."

"Yeah, that's it and there's more," Tomo shouted in the manner of a game show host. She then pointed her finger at Kagura. "There has to something inspired him to make that wonderful costume of yours."

"Like what?" Kagura barked as she turned around to continue her trip to dispose of the package and earn some modest profit.

Tomo said in a genuinely dumb voice, "I dunno? Um... Maybe you're first name's Rei?"

Kagura stopped on her tracks, her face frozen in shock, her eyes bulging in horror out as she thought of Tomo saying her... Of guessing it correctly!

For a few seconds Kagura was stiff as a statue. For a few seconds Tomo put two and two together and...

"OH MY GOD!" Tomo announced, hopping in joy. "You're first name's Rei." She an odd wild dance that would make people think that she's on sugar high or any high for that matter all the while chanting her first name. The result of this overly ridiculous grade-school charade irritated Kagura, who was now seething in rage. She greeted her teeth, her fist clenching and unclenching. Tomo's girlish laughter echoing in her ears as well as how the wildcat mockingly chanted her first name.

"Re~i, Re~i, Re~i...," she sang as she danced around Kagura like a monkey. A vein popped up on the tomboy's forehead.

"Alright! Shut up!" Kagura cried, prompting Tomo to stop. She then said, "So my name's Rei, what's the big deal?"

"You're my mom named you, right?" Tomo asked eagerly.

"Yes, my mom named me that," she immediately spat out. "Nothing mysterious, nothing inspired by that anime, okay?"

"Okay," Tomo said. "Since you're gonna sell it anyway, why don't you put it on?"

"Eh?"

"Yeah, you heard me," she said cockily. "Put on the plugsuit right now."

Kagura smirked cockily. "Like hell I will. I still have the 'plugsuit'."

"Come on, Kagura," Tomo pleaded like the annoying little kid she was, "It'll be one time only."

"Oh yeah, why don't you wear it?" the athlete challenged.

Kagura's remark had the desired effect. Tomo stopped taunting as she stopped to think about her challenge. It took a few seconds for Tomo to respond. "I don't know..." She stroked her chin in pretentious deep thought. "Okay," she happily replied.

Kagura sighed with relief. "Okay, here." She handed her the costume. "At least you got it out of my hands-"

"Only if you wear it first," the wildcat suddenly chimed.

"What!" Kagura's eyes popped open at Tomo, who now sported a flamboyant pose consisting of one hand on her hip and the other thrusting a pointed finger at Kagura all topped with a smug smile.

"You heard," she announced. "The only way you're gonna have me wear is if I see you wear it."

"Like hell I will," Kagura growled. "I'll be taking this" - she held back the box - "to the shop."

"Hey, why don't we race out of the park," Tomo suggested. "Loser wears the costume on the culture fest."

The tomboy could not believe her ears. Tomo had just offered a way out of her predicament in a silver platter, being dumb and all. That brought a grin on her face since she knew the wildcat jumps into stupid ideas all the time. "You're on, Tomo."

"Oh yeah!" The wildcat jumped in joy.

In an instant they were now running through the park to reach the gate. Tomo and Kagura were now puffing air as they left trails of dust and flying leaves in their wake, trying to outrun each other for the second entrance of the park.

Kagura was confidently dashing through the path as her opposite number's face seemed to contort, almost struggling to keep the fires inside her burning to supply her with energy needed to beat her. She smirked as she watched the wildcat faltering behind. She smiled and flashed a V-for-victory handsign, mocking her wasteful outbursts of speed.

Tomo, now wanting to be outdone and fall on her _own_ ploy, tried to push harder. Occasionally she overtook Kagura by a few meters but ended trailing behind her. Tomo would see Kagura flashing a smile and a V-sign while trailing.

The toothy grin got to Tomo's nerves. "I'm not letting you win!" she growled. She let out a burst of speed that left Kagura stunned, screaming furiously in her sprint...

And slammed right into a tree.

The athlete skid to a stop as she watched as the wildcat peeled off from the trunk like old paint, lying on the ground.

Kagura barely believed her eyes. Tomo ran into a tree trunk like an idiot.

She grimaced. At first were some stifled snickers escaping her mouth as she looked at the groaning _baka_, lying down disoriented. Then it became full-blown uncontrollable laughter as it echoed throughout the park.

Tears issued from her closed eyes as she struggled to compose herself from a scene that came out straight from a Saturday morning cartoon.

Thanks to that she didn't notice Tomo rising up shakily, clutching her head. She turned around and looked at Kagura. As her dizzying head formed some vaguely coherent thoughts, she picked one that suited her way of thinking as she waited the haze to lift...

Kagura kept on howling in laughter until a smiling Tomo pushed her, knocking her back on the ground.

"What the-" Kagura exclaimed.

"Haha!" Tomo exclaimed triumphantly. "Victory is mine!" She dashed down the path cackling.

"Hell no!" Kagura growled as she hastily got up and caught up with the wildcat.

"Can't catch me, can't catch me, haha!"

It was the final stretch of pathway before the get. Both Kagura and Tomo were now neck and neck towards the gate, the finish line of their little contest, hopefully the end for her already insane day. They were kicking the engines on this, trying to outrun the other to see who gets to wear the plugsuit.

Kagura could feel it now. Victory was to be hers. Her graceful body taking stride as it was since she molded it to be competitive in sports. It really felt like the Olympics, she could heard Tomo hollering wildly as she vainly struggled to keep up but faltering, then trying to overshot Kagura and then falling slowing down again.

She could only savor Tomo's defeat and humiliation if she could reach the gate. Almost there... Almost there... Almost... there...!

SMACK!

Kagura felt something lunge at her back. She fell to the ground. Tomo knocked Kagura down with a linebacker charge. With Kagura on the dust she jumped and raced to the gate squealing in victory.

"I win! I win!" She cried, running around the fallen athlete.

Kagura, panting heavily, lifted her face a little to see her self only a few inches from the gates threshold. Just a crawl away she would have won but that was rendered moot by a gloating Tomo, who now claimed her victory.

Tomo!

Kagura instantly forgot her fatigue and got up from the ground. "You cheated!" she snapped angrily.

"Oh yeah I cheated!" Tomo said proudly with a smug smirk ripped off straight from Hauhi Suzumiya. "But enough about that. I think I won this bet so you're gonna wear the plugsuit and act all Rei-like at the culture fest."

"Hell no," Kagura snapped back. "You cheated! You wear it."

"Make me," she replied mockingly, and sprinted off cackling. The infuriated tomboy was too caught up in her rage to pass off the opportunity to cream Tomo.

But common sense took hold of her the last second when she found the box before her feet. With a wicked smile she picked it up.

She called out to Tomo, who was busy running around in circles, "Hey, Tomo!"

Tomo promptly stopped, perplexed that Kagura was not chasing her at all. "Huh?"

"I got the costume," Kagura taunted. "Even if I lose there's no way you can make me wear it."

"Really?" Tomo said slyly. "You've got Facebook?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"We're friends too."

"Yeah?..." Kagura was perplexed about what the question was for.

"Why don't I photoshop your pictures in Facebook and have you look like Rei in each and every one of them?"

"..."

Such a thought never crossed her mind. But what Tomo planned never hit her.

"Yeah, I can photoshop. I usually sent photos of Yomi in her proper state-"

"I doubt you can do that," Kagura cut in curtly.

Tomo suddenly violated Kagura's personal space and said into her ear, "I really do. Just ask Yomi. And I can Tweet it."

She then quickly snatched the box away from Kagura. The tomboy attempted to grab the wildcat but the latter jumped out of reach. She taunted Kagura by sticking her tongue out. The tomboy pounced but Tomo dodged her again.

"I'll keep this box for you," Tomo said, "in case you have anymore ideas about what to do with it."

"But that doesn't change a thing-"

"And I have of your pictures when you were in elementary and middle school..."

Kagura felt her life drain from her life as Tomo mentioned all her pictures before high school. In most of them Kagura didn't look like the tomboyish sports girl she was today. On the contrary she was lithe and short, lacked her characteristic tan, and would be best described as cute.

While most of them were embarrassing enough as is, if what Tomo said was true she could conveniently alter them make her look like... Rei. She sweated, realizing it was a bad idea to upload them in her profile and dump them in an album where no bothered to check out. Except Tomo.

"... I bet everyone in our class would love to see that. And plus, I'm gonna feature all your 'Rei' photos to every otaku on Facebook and Twitter, making a contest about who will find the mystery _cosplay_ girl." She emphasized _cosplay_ very shrilly.

Kagura let out a low threatening growl. "You wouldn't dare-"

"Oh yeah. I would." Tomo gave a sly smile, then temptingly held out the box. Kagura tired to snatch it but missed when Tomo retracted it.

"What the-" She tried to give chase but stumbled back on the ground. Tomo did an impromptu victory dance just of reach from her nemesis before jumping out of the way again from a crawling angry Kagura.

"Haha!" she shouted, "I've got the plugsuit now. There's no way you can run away our agreement now."

So Tomo cackled as she fled from Kagura, leaving her perplexed and shaken of the thought of otaku slime coming over to her house. She groaned in despair.

A/N: I think no one would underestimate Tomo ever again, at least when it comes to making devious plans on the fly.


	3. Chapter 3

**That Weird Dream**

A/N: Howdy, guys. I haven't been active in quite a while. I hope you're patient with me because it's a *really* _long_ time. No offense to you otakus and anime fans out there although I did something to a certain character.

* * *

Kagura would have had blissful sleep if it wasn't for Kimura and his costume. It begin as some as her brain clicked off to sleep mode.

She woke up and yawned only to see Gendo at the foot of her bed. Too drowsy to give a proper response, she said groggily, "Aren't suppose to you to do your trademark pose and plan for the end of the world?"

He replied, in a very familiar voice, "Morning, Kagura, what a lovely day we're having."

She sat up in shock. "What!? Kimura!"

Kimura let out a smile so broad that certainly didn't fit his Gendo costume. "That's right, baby!" His fake Lincoln beard promptly dropped off his face.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?" the tomboy screamed at him, holding the covers and backing away like a frightened cat.

"Oh, nothing~," he said coyly with that horrid smile. "I just thought of dropping by to see your transformation."

"What transformation?" she demanded angrily.

"See for yourself." He handed her a hand mirror.

Kagura quickly snatched the mirror from his hands and looked at her reflection. What she saw shocked her.

The face was pale, it had red eyes and sky-blue hair. She touched her face with a pale hand. She could not believe that the face she's looking at is her's.

"This can't be happening..." Trembling, she reluctantly got out of bed and found herself standing in front of a full body mirror. To her horror she saw her whole body from head to foot having a milky white look; her new eyes and hair were not helping either. The only thing that's vaguely recognizable of herself pre-transformation were her boobs and athletic figure.

But for all intents and purposes she's now Rei Ayanami.

"How did this happen...?" she whelped as she touched her face in disbelief.

"That's not important, Rei," Kimura said from behind, about to wrap his arms around her waist. "What's important is that-"

"Screw you!" She jumped out his arms just in time. "Don't you have a wife and kid?!"

"Yes, I do," he said sheepishly. "But they're spending the weekend with her parents while I'm stuck at home grading homework."

Kagura stopped being terrified and looked at him in befuddlement. "What? Really?"

"Yes," he went on sadly. "And now I'm at home_ all by myself~_," singing the last three words.

"Man, sucks to be you," Kagura cheered. "I think I'll be on my way to-"

Kimura said rapidly in a cheery voice, "Would you like to stay at my house and help me with grading work in the weekend?"

"Hell no!" she spat back. "And stop using my first name."

"But please~, Kagura. I'm all alone at home."Help me grade some school work and I'll grade you too."

Kagura almost vomited at the thought of Kimura "grading" her. She quickly ran out of her room and down the stairs.

The creepy teacher-in-Gendo-costume jumped up in hot pursuit. "Wait, come back!" he begged. "You haven't put on your plugsuit."

"You WEAR it, creep!" she shouted back as she leaped out the door and out on the street.

Kimura, a teacher in his forties and not in top shape, panted and knelt on the ground to catch his breath after just a few dozen meters down the street, where Kagura was now outdistancing him further down. "Wait..." he begged sadly with an outstretched arm, puffing shallow breaths. "Kagura..."

The tomboy was now quite far as his pleas echoed behind her. "If you don't like... you can wear the Shimei Ryomou maid outfit... or the Eva school uniform..." But Kagura could hear no more as she made the perverted teacher/cosplayer bite the dust.

She finally stopped to catch her breath, tired from all that running. "Phew..." she sighed in relief. "Now that Kimura's out of my tail I can finally try to enjoy this day with my friends. I hope Sakaki's out today. I'll ask her if she can bike race with me."

She was then stopped by a bunch of guys who look like they saw a cat being roadkilled.

"Oh, hi there," she greeted. She noticed the looks she's getting from them. And then there was their general appearance, which instantly blinked a warning light in her mind.

"Otakus..." she whispered, shuddering with dread.

They all squealed like girls at a boy band concert, which is probably the typical otaku reaction to anything related to their favorite fetish.

"Oh my god," one of them said, "it's Rei Ayanami."

"How could you be sure?" another asked.

"Just look at her!" He excitedly gestured with both hands. "She can't be a cosplayer. She's got her skin, her eyes and her hair."

Kagura realized that she hadn't change into proper casual cloths during her flight from Kimura and was just in her shorts and t-shirt, which suddenly embarrassed her.

"But look at her," a third said. "Rei doesn't have an athletic figure. Or boobs."

Now these freaks are talking about her body.

"But she look's sexier that way," the first one said.

"What!?" she snapped, outraged. "Excuse me, but I'm not your bloody waifu, Rei. I'm Kagura. I'm from the swim team of my school and I'm not a freakin' cosplayer. Go beat off on a stray cat, you sickos."

The otakus suddenly fell on their knees, their heads touching the concrete. "Rei spoke!" the first one shouted. "She spoke!"

"WE'RE NOT WORTHY!" they all shouted together.

Kagura went crazy on them. She picked up the nearest one off his feet and bodyslammed him hard into his two still-bowing comrades, sending them tumbling into a lingerie store.

"Oh yeah!" She pumped her fist in triumph. "Kagura, three. Otakus, ZERO!"

But her triumph quickly faded away when a large crowd of otakus, both male and female, both in regular clothes and colorful costumes assembled in front of her.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"AHHHH!" they screamed madly, jumping up and down in joy like, again, little girls in a boy band concert.

"Oh crap!" she exclaimed as she ran off from the screaming anime fans, all wanting to meet the famous anime character in the flesh.

"Oh my God she's real!" a girl fan cried.

"Please sign my autograph!" a boy cried.

"Rei! Please say 'Shinji-kun'!" shrilled Konata Izumi, seeing a fantasy come true.

"SCREW YOU!" she shouted back as she ran for her dear life lest she be suffocated by the misplaced adoration by the wild fans, speeding up.

She arrived at the park at the worst possible location. She was stopped by the wall and the entrance gate was too far off. Looking back she saw the otaku crowd, thundering and kicking up clouds of dust.

"Oh shit!" She scampered up the wall in fear and dropped down on the other side. She ran off just in time as the crowd exploded through the wall. Passing through the woods she ran into an open area...

Right into a WW2 Eastern Front reenactment event.

Kagura found herself in the middle of a Call of Duty-style battlefield, with Red Army and Wehrmacht trading fire across the field. The sounds of gunfire nearly made her run around in circles in confusion.

"Hey, what gives?" complained a Red conscript in a surfer-dude voice.

"What the devil?" muttered a commissar with an English accent, scratching his head.

"Damn, it's those pesky cosplayers," complained a Wehrmacht sergeant in a husky Texan accent.

Seeing the WTF looks in everyone's faces, the Texan Wehrmacht shouted an order. "CEASEFIRE!"

Everyone promptly stopped firing and Kagura immediately stopped running around and fell on her face in the ground.

The Texan marched towards with an appropriate Texan Ranger expression.

Kagura looked up to see a pair of booted feet right in front of her. She saw a German officer like in those war movies she watched standing menacingly right in her face. Suddenly, she was paralyzed with fear and confusion as she couldn't think her day could get any worse.

"What in tarnation are you doing here, young lady?" the officer demanded in a Texan accent. Kagura blinked her eyes in confusion. The officer guy sounded like some cowboy from America.

"You just landed in the middle of a reenactment event," he added for her benefit. She looked around as everyone in both in uniform and not all looked at her.

She stood up, scratching her head in embarrassment. "Oh yeah," she chuckled nervously. "Excuse me, I'm in a little bit of a problem..." She stopped mid-speech.

She just spoke in English quite fluently, much to her silent shock.

The Texan quickly apologized. "What seems to be the trouble then, miss?"

There was large rumbling noise coming from the woods which Kagura jumped out off. Everyone turned eyes on it and...

_BOOM!_

The otaku crowd cleared through the cloud of smoke and tree stumps and found Kagura.

"There she is!" a girl shouted and they all screamed.

"RETURN FIRE!" the Texan screamed and all the reenactors in the field turned their guns and fired at the wild otaku crowd.

Unfortunately, it was just all blanks. Kagura scampered off as the crowd managed to get over their confusion and plow through the reenactors.

She managed to get through the marksmanship section of the event, where people fire_ live ammo_. Unfortunately for her, nobody's firing live ammo at the otakus. She did manage to snag a loaded PPSh-41 though and skipped the park to enter a street lined with convenience stores.

She entered one of them and sighed with relief. "Now I can just sit tight and wait for this to all blow over..."

_Fap fap fap..._

She heard some unusual rustling sounds from the frozen foods section in the oddly-deserted store. Holding up her stolen SMG, she quickly sneaked up at that section and found...

Shinji Ikari lying down on the frozen foods, pants gone and pleasuring himself with a stick of jerky while sobbing.

"I want to run away, I want to runaway, I want to runaway..." he chanted pitifully like the whiny little bitch ass he is while doing his thing with the jerky, all in front of Kagura; her face frozen in eye-bulging shock.

Shinji slowly turned his face in mixture of mirth and dejection to see Kagura, as Rei Ayanami.

"REI!" he squealed in horror, dropping the jerky. "A-ah, i-it's not what it looks like!" he begged. "I SWEAR!"

"DEAR GOD!" she exclaimed.

"It's only ranch dressing," he explained... poorly.

Kagura, for the sake of her sanity, pointed the PPSh at him and quickly unleashed a rain of lead on the sorry little Third Child. Blood sprayed everywhere including the ice cream. Death wasn't so sweet to him after all.

Disgusted by what Shinji did, she dashed to the nearest bathroom and barfed for fifteen minutes straight. "Ah, that was nasty..." she exclaimed, still carrying that horrible image as she walked out the bathroom.

"Hiya, Kagura!" Tomo called out as she happily walked into the store.

"What now, Tomo?" she asked grumpily, still feeling raw about Tomo's blackmail yesterday.

"My, my, you changed," the wildcat noted slyly

"Yeah, yeah. Your fantasy about me came true. What's your point?"

Tomo paused for a while, trying to think why came to the store.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I heard that you didn't change when you went out today so I brought you a nice change of clothes."

"Really!?" She instantly forgot Tomo's annoying blackmail threat, seeing how she can finally wear some decent clothes after running around all morning from otakus.

"Here." The wildcat tossed her a paper bag.

"Oh boy," she said excitedly. She ripped it apart hastily and...

Held a white plugsuit in her hands.

Furious, she cried angrily into the air. "What the hell is this!?" she demanded.

"Your casual wear," Tomo mewed.

"This!?" She held out the suit. "Is this a joke, Tomo?" But Tomo disappeared behind a cash counter and turned on the PA system.

"Attention, everyone," she announced. "Today's special guest is Rei Ayanami. She's her to put on her plugsuit and be totally helpless~."

Just then, the fan crowd that chased earlier suddenly appeared in front of the store. They screamed excitedly when they saw their idol inside. And they broke through the glass.

"Aw, crap," she exclaimed as she pointed her PPSh at them and...

_CLICK!_

To her horror, the gun was empty, courtesy of having fired all her ammo at the late Shinji Ikari. She screamed to the top of her lungs as she ran to the store's, well, storage room.

She jumped and locked the door, just in time for them to slam against it. It almost threw off balance and she hurriedly barricaded the door with shelves full of goods. That only delayed them.

They finally crashed through the walls, all of them giddily excited to find their favorite anime character.

Only to be disappointed. Rei Kagura/Ayanami was nowhere to be found. Alarmed, they looked around worriedly for their idol. They promptly spread out and left.

And they forgot to turn over the cardboard boxes scattered around.

Inside, Kagura smirked with satisfaction hiding in one of them. "Ha!" she said. "Did those guys ever thought about checking the cardboard boxes? It's the oldest trick of the book and they fell for it."

A flashlight suddenly lit behind her. "Oh yeah, baby~. It's you and me against the world," Kimura whispered in creepily.

Kagura screamed loudly in terror as Kimura guffawed loudly from her back.

"Ahhh! This can't be!"

"Oh! Sure it is! Ging gonag gang gong king kong king kong ka!"

* * *

Her alarm clock blared loudly, prompting to her wake up in a jolt. Looking around nervously, she found out that she's still in her room. She sighed with relief. "Ho boy... It's just a dream, Kagura. Just a dream."

Her cellphone rang, chiming _Poi Poi Peace_. She picked it and received the call. "Hello?"

"Hiya, Kagura," Tomo greeted. "Today's the big day."

And Kagura turned pale in horror.

A/N: Supposedly it's one chapter but the ending will be in the next chapter due to time constraints. Hope your excited for Kagura in a plugsuit for the culture fest, guys. Until then, see ya! By the way, _Poi Poi Peace_ is one of Tomo's character songs while Shimei Ryomou is a character from an ecchi anime called _Ikkitousen_.


End file.
